I'm Officially O-L-D!!!!

This weekend we decided to try out this new water park that is only like 30 minutes from Laurel. It was really hot and I thought this would be a good idea for us to have some family time and cool off in the water. Besides my family, My good friend Diane and her daughter, Morgan and also Will's buddy, Slade went with us. When we arrived we rented a cabana and got everything set up for a day of fun. They had this really cool thing called the "Lazy River". Diane, Morgan, Will and myself decided that we would try this out first because, hey, who could resist "LAZY river"? Anyway, we got our cabooses into these round floats (inner tubes) and just floated all around the park. It was an all 80's weekend so we connected our arms and toes to each other( we called this formation our party barge) sang "love shack", "thriller", "I love rock and roll" and many other hits from that era. We were having such a good time until we rolled around one of the bends of the river. There lay a lifeless body of a teenage boy. There were life guards all around giving him CPR. We don't know if he died or not but he never moved the entire time they were working on him. We heard some of the paramedics saying that he had a seizure in the water and this caused him to drown. It took me quite a while to calm down after seeing this and so we went back to the cabana, had lunch and just rested for a while. To lighten everyone's spirits, Jeff decided that we should all go for a trip down one of the slides. I do not like water slides, I do not like heights, I do not like free falling from many feet up in the air!!!! It probably was not a good idea to follow Jeff. Once I got to the top of this "tower of torture" I began to have serious thoughts of death. I'm not kidding. When I got to the entrance of the tunnel, I saw that they made you lay down flat and cross your arms over your chest as if you were laying in state in a coffin. All I needed was a lilly laced in my fingers and I was all set for the viewing. I laid down and then I was off. It was the most horrific moment of my 34 years thus far. I have NEVER been more frightened. I do not exactly have the healthiest body in the world and so I imagine my heart should not have jolts like this often. I do believe that when people enter into hell, that Satan delivers them through a portal just like the Collins, MS waterslide. This slide was not only fast, scary and trying it's best to drown my robust body, but it also was pitch black dark the entire ride. Once I finally reached the bottom of this torturous ride, I was deposited into a deep pool of water. I had water thrust up my nostrils and a wedgie that wouldn't quit. I came up for a breath only to see my friends and family laughing hysterically at me. It hurt my feelings that no one even cared that I was about to go into cardiac arrest. I just cried and went back to our cabana where I soothed myself with some Bue Bell homemade vanilla with strawberries in a cone. The rest of the day I stuck to the "lazy river" while all of the "young people" had fun.