Friday, April 10, 2009
Life is Fragile!
Life truly is Fragile! I was reminded of that this week when Jeff and I lost our unborn baby. This was certainly something that I was not expecting. At first, I was so angry. I just could not understand why this had to happen. In fact, I still do not understand the why. I may never understand. My anger quickly turned to grief at the thought of my little baby dying. Even typing the words makes me shudder. Some people make light of miscarriage. They think that because the baby was unborn that it didn't matter. Tell that to my heart. It did matter!!! It was a baby and now it isn't alive anymore. I trust that God is doing a great job with him/her until one day I will see that sweet face for myself. Throughout the ordeal I kept telling God that I just needed Him to be with me. HE WAS and IS!!! I have been having all of the physical things that go along with giving birth I just don't have a bundle of joy to get my mind off of it. Even still, God is with me. He has reminded me of His love through a wonderful boss and co workers who made it possible for me to be off this whole week as I heal physically and who have prayed for me. He allowed one of our precious deacons to bring a delicious meal over to our home. He didn't even knock on the door. He just left it under the car port. No words were said but by his actions, he spoke many. He led someone in my church to make a card and have all of my sweet friends in the childrens dept, youth and team kids to sign it with loving sentiments. God is very real and has shown me Himself over and over this week. I find that I love Him more today than yesterday. I could NOT make it through this grief and pain without Him. He was with me when I told my sweet husband and saw the joy leave his face. Jeff quietly held me in his arms and cried along with me. He was also there when a little 7 year old had to be told that he would no longer be the big brother. He was there too for grandparents as the mourned the loss of a new life. All I know is that God is good all of the time. Sometimes it is hard for me to say that but if we can get ourselves out of the way, we can find it! Please pray for us as we continue to heal physically, emotionally and spiritually! Happy Easter and it is a GOOD FRIDAY!!!