Tuesday, February 9, 2010
SCRAMBLED! Bewildered! Just plain crazy!
This is exactly the way that my brain feels lately! My life has had so many changes in the past year that I really feel kind of lost! Not in a spiritual way of course but just in a human being kind of way. Does that make any sense? I went from the same old, same old mundane life ( one that I happen to like very much) to feeling like my life was in a snow globe and some little kid picked it up and shook it violently! The snow pieces didn't fall back in the same place and the snow man has been left feeling a little dizzy! I guess what I am getting at is that I am searching for direction! In my 36 years of life I have always been so sure of who I was and where I was going. I am very stubborn and when I wanted something I usually found a way to make it happen. Of course, God has had everything to do with my journey but He has allowed me to be very sure about things. UNTIL NOW!!!! For instance, I went from working a job to staying at home to now working 3 jobs! I just feel so pulled from one direction to another. Perhaps this is exactly where God has placed me for a reason. Maybe I have been TOOO sure of myself for way too long and He is ready for me to put complete trust in HIM. Let me tell you friend, if you have never been here, IT IS HARD!!!! Trust may come easily for some people but it has never been one of my strong points. I have become jaded somewhat over the years due to being hurt by some of the people you love the most. I dont think that you should ever grow hard to people but sometimes it is really difficult to keep putting your heart out there only to have it trampled on again and again. I spoke to a very wise friend recently that after I said that exact statement to her, she replied "so what, Jesus did the same thing. He gave Himself unconditionally to every man over and over and still does and HE even knew that this same bunch was going to kill him". Boy is she right!!! Maybe I shouldn't be praying for direction but instead for contentment. God, let me be happy right where I am!!!